Dear James,
by rosebudreader
Summary: Dear James, I'm writing this and I should be writing my potions essay, and really, this is a waste of time. No matter how much I think I'll give it too you, I won't. Not now, not ever. Letters From Lily to James, enjoy :)
1. Letter 1

**_Hi guys! I know! I haven't yet finished the sequel to 'The Holiday', but this came to me on a whim and I thought that I'd write it! I really hope you enjoy this, please Read and Review! Thanks! x_**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you recognize, the characters are all J.K. Rowlings.**

_Dear James,_

_I'm writing this and I should be writing my potions essay, and really, if you think about it, this is a waste of time. Because you're never going to get it. No matter how much I think I'll give it too you, I won't. Not now, not ever. And it seems ironic, I think, that you can say your feelings to me so easily and I can't even mention that I don't mind you without having a complete mental shut down and blurting something stupid like 'You're too tall'. Why you may ask? It's because I fancy you. No not just any type of ordinary fancying, I really, really, really fancy you. I would even say that our feelings are the same. Now, that's sort of conceited of me isn't it? Thinking that you still feel the same way. So maybe a better way of putting it is, that I fancy you as much as you used to fancy me. So that sort of covers all bases, I think._

_You won't ever read this letter, so it won't matter any how. I'll work up some courage and walk up to you, I'll say hi and almost faint when you smile down at me, then I'll open my mouth to tell you I have a letter for you, and I'll chicken out. I'll scrunch up the letter in my hand, stuff it in my bag and ask you for help on something. You'll probably look disappointed, because it seemed like I was going to say something important. But I couldn't, because I'm so scared that you don't like me any more. And me, being me, I can't possibly say something unless I'm 100% sure I know what is going to happen, and telling you that I like you has so many different endings that I can't even process it in my brain. _

_But, if I think about this logically, it's all your fault. I can list 100 reasons why this is your fault. 1. You're much too good looking for your own good. If you were ugly then I wouldn't feel so attracted to you, I wouldn't blush when you smile at me, or get goose bumps if our fingers touch, and I wouldn't fancy you. 2. You're much to nice and sweet and kind and 100 other things that I could also write a list about. If you weren't so perfect I would find it easier to tell you I fancy you, or I wouldn't fancy you. So that solves the problem. But you're not, you're always nice to me, you help everyone out, you're funny and wise and smart and I can't even begin to describe how good you alone make me feel about myself all the time. 3. You stopped asking me out last year! Now why on earth would you do that? Of course, I can think of many reasons why you would, and you probably stopped asking me out because you stopped liking me. And with the way I was treating you, I totally understand. The only thing is, when you stopped asking me out I realized how much I enjoyed it, how much I love to rile you up and make you angry and how I feel when you ask me out and just the guaranteed contact between us every day. It made me feel incredibly happy, and I loved it. And it was since you stopped asking me out that I have realized I like you. And it's ironic, because just as you stop asking me out, I want you too. And I'll sound selfish and rude if I tell you that. But that's the reasons you are to blame for me not telling you that I fancy you._

_I should probably get back to my essay. In fact I should definitely get back to my essay, but I don't want to. Because writing you this letter, that you'll never receive, makes me feel connected to you in ways I only wish I could be connected. If I write you a letter I can at least pretend that you like me back, and that I'll give this to you and that you'll snog me right there in the hallway. But as soon as I put down this quill, and fold up this letter, all that will be gone. I'll come crashing back into reality and I'll realize that none of that will ever happen because I'm so shy and proud to ever tell you that I love you. Wow, I said it. It flows so easy from my pen. I love you. I do, I love you James Potter. _

_That's another reason I won't tell you, because I love you, and if you don't like me back at all, I'll be heart broken. I'll shatter into a million pieces and I won't put my self back together until I'm far away from Hogwarts and you. And I don't think I could ever stand being away from you. So that really does leave me no option but to not tell you. And if you could see this like I can, and if you were to read this, you would understand. Because it makes perfect sense, and that's what I like, sense. And being with you wouldn't make sense. But for all I've said in this letter, about wanting to make sense, and know the outcomes, I don't. I just want to run into your arms and stay there. _

_I don't want to be perfect anymore, I want to be with you. I want to have no plans and no schedules and no thinking and no outcomes. I want to act on my whim and just do what ever I please, and I want to do that with you. Because that's what you're like, you don't follow plans, you think out of the box and I love that about you so much. Something draws me to that, and I know I shouldn't want it, but I do. _

_So I'll sign off now. I'll go through the mental state of wanting to give you this letter and wanting to run away, I'll go and find you and I'll lose all my courage and then I'll come back, finish my potions essay and write another letter to you. And I would have thrown this one away but I can bet you 10 galleons that it will be almost the exact same. And I'll fall behind on work and stay up late tonight, but I won't mind because you stay up late doing homework too. And I'll get to spend and extra hour with you in the heads room. I sound like a love sick puppy, but maybe I do because I am. I'm in love with you and it's killing me._

_I hope you have a lovely day James, I hope that you keep smiling and maybe you realize I like you and I won't have to tell you, because we all know how that will end, I won't tell you. I hope the sun shines just for you, and that you think about me just as much as I think about you._

_Yours forever,_

_Lily xoxo_

**_So, what did you think? I'm not sure whether to write another letter or not, so review and tell me if you think I should write another letter! You're input really does help me, and I appreciate all the reviews I get! Thanks!_**


	2. Letter 2

_**Hi! Thank-you so much for reading and reviewing :) To the guest who suggested something, thank you! I have taken what you've said into account, and now I have a whole story planned out, if you guys will read it! To EmmelineKeystone, thank you! It makes me feel really motivated when people like you say such lovely things :D**_

_**Well, here's the next installment of 'Dear James,', please enjoy, and review!**_

**Disclaimer: Unless J.K. Rowling studies Macbeth and has a slightly unnatural obsession with an actor named 'Kashmir Sinnamon', then I am not her.**

_Dear James,_

_How are you? How has your day been? Gosh, I'm pathetic. I'm writing to you as if you're actually going to read this! And I even have the nerve to ask a question, as if you're going to reply! I really am sad, aren't I?_

_So, if you haven't already guessed, I didn't give you the last letter. I assume you know that though, because if I did I wouldn't be writing another one. Though this time, I really did almost give it to you. I was so close to handing you the letter it was incredible. I had so much courage, I was going to hand you the letter and walk off, but I didn't. Just in case you don't remember, this is how it went:_

_"James!" That was me, I said it really excitedly, and I had to act normal because you'd just come back from Quidditch. You still had you're robes on and everything, it was very attractive._

_"Hey, Lily. How are you?" You smiled like you didn't know the effect you had on me. I almost collapsed but with last minute thinking I leaned on the edge of my desk._

_"I'm alright, you?" I tried to make myself look seductive, but I ended up tripping and falling to the floor. It was the most embarrassing thing that I have ever experienced. I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me._

_Being the gentle man you are, you dropped to the floor to see if I was alright. I had closed my eyes, hoping to be swallowed up, and you leaned you're face right on top of mine. I could feel your breath on my face and butterflies decided to do a tango in my stomach. I didn't want to open my eyes, in fear that you'd move away, because I liked how that was. You had your arms on either aide of my body, your face inches from mine. If I had the nerve to kiss you, I could have._

_"Lily, are you alright?" You asked, after a sufficient time had past. Just enough time that it was a perfect moment, but not too much so that it was awkward. You have always had perfect timing. Even when we were in first year, and you poured chocolate sauce on me. You timed it perfectly so that the sauce dripped evenly all over my body. For someone who doesn't make plans, you are incredibly precise._

_"I, I'm fine." I stuttered, I opened my eyes and realized you were closer than what I'd thought. You stayed there looking into my eyes, for what seemed longer than necessary, before speaking again._

_"How can you possibly manage to trip over when you're stationary?" You asked. You always sound so smart James, even when you're teasing me, or when you make no sense at all. You always sound like you know what you're saying. There has been few times when I've seen you stumble or stutter. In fact, there's probably only been one time and that was when your parents died. So it would make sense that you couldn't form sentences. I couldn't either, when my parents died._

_I stayed staring into your eyes for a while, knowing I should answer but not wanting too. What ever I would have said, would cause you to get up and help me up and I didn't want that. Time past, and finally I worked up some courage._

_"James, I..." I stopped half way through the sentence. You raised one of your eyebrows, a look that I know better than the back of my hand. There are two times when you raise your eye brow, one, if you're really listening to someone, and you want then to continue. And two, if you're amused by something, or questioning something. You can pull that face when you're serious and when you're not, so in that moment I was so confused. Were you serious or joking?_

_"James, I, I was wondering if you could help me with my Charms essay." I blurt out and that's were the courage ends. You looked at me funny, before smiling sadly. I was so sure you'd hoped that my message was going to be interesting. You told me you'd help me, and we made a time. While we were organizing when to meet up, we both seemed out of it. I couldn't help but think about how much of a chicken I am, and how much I had wished I had used my moment to my advantage instead of asking for help on an essay I'd already finished. But I couldn't tell you why you were out of it, you had that pensive look on your face, and even though you were happy to help, something seemed to hold you back. Oh, what I wouldn't give to know what you were thinking in that moment._

_Of course, you were probably thinking 'What a loser, can't even talk properly', I know that's what I would have been thinking in that situation. But then if I was in your body, I wouldn't waste my time thinking. I'd go up and snog me, so that I wouldn't have to snog you. Does that make any sense? It did in my head. It wouldn't seem out of place for you to admit you have feelings for me, but for me to admit I like you? That would be like the end of the world._

_But I think the end of the world is coming soon anyway. What with Voldemort out and everything. I mean, for me, the world sort of has ended. He's killed both my parents, and now I'm left with a sister that hates me. So for me, when this year ends, and I have to leave Hogwarts, my world has ended. I'm not sure what it's like for you. I mean, you've also lost both your parents. It must be hard, being an only child. Of course, I don't understand what it must be like to lose your whole family, but I think that when my parents died, I lost Petunia. So even though she's not dead, I've lost her. Funny, isn't it? That we have similar situations. If I told you that my parents were dead, you'd understand. You'd be one of the only people who would understand._

_But I won't tell you. I won't tell you my parents have died like I won't give you this letter, like I won't tell you I love you, like I won't get to kiss you before graduation. Saying that makes me feel incredibly sad, I mean, why can't I kiss you? It's not like it would mean anything. Of course, it would to me. But if you hate me, then you could just push me away, and never speak to me again and then at least I would have kissed you. Of course, I've imagined kissing you, I've imagined loads of times. Every time you bite your lips I imagine you kissing me. So really, almost every minute I imagine your lips caressing mine, your hands knotted in my hair. And every minute I tell my self off for thinking such thoughts that could only ever lead me to trouble._

_Now, I'll talk about how easy it is to walk up and kiss you, but I never could do it. I don't want to risk our friendship, I value it, and you, too much. That's why I won't tell you I love you, because I'm so afraid of losing you. Because as mad as it seems, I would much rather live my life next to you as a friend than never speak to you again. I'm such a coward, but if you could just know how I feel, even for a second, you'd understand. But you'll never know, so you'll never understand and my whole life is turning into a big circle and events just keep repeating until I can predict everything that's going to happen. Sad, isn't it?_

_Well, I should get back to my Transfiguration questions. They've been glaring at me for a couple of hours while I procrastinate and write this letter, so I better finish them off. Tonight I'm going to go to bed early, I've decided. I don't want to spend anymore time with you, in fear of doing something drastic and uncalled for, like tell you I love you. It's getting harder and harder to keep it a secret as I get closer to you. Because now, I tell you everything, you know more about me than Hestia and Alice, and because I tell you all my secrets, I feel I should tell you one this too._

_I really am a hopeless wreck, aren't I?_

_Yours truly_

_Lily xoxo_

**_What do you think? I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did enjoy it, give me a review and I might just post another chapter :) Ok, I won't lie, one review and I'll probably post 100 more chapters! x_**


	3. Letter 3

_**Hi guys! I'm sorry for the long wait, I'm preparing for exams and I had written half of this and then totally forgot it wasn't finished! Sorry! So, without further ado, here is the third letter! I hope you enjoy! xx**_

**Disclaimer: Still not J. . I do hope that one morning I'll wake up and be her, but not yet. Not yet.**

_Dear James,_

_You don't even understand how much I hate you. Not in the literal sense of course, I could never hate you, but really and truly I do. Is it really that hard to say no to someone when they ask you out? I know you don't like her, but you still said yes, and really that is not very good. Because I wanted to go with you this week to Hogsmeade. James! I'd worked up the courage to drop hints all week. You could even say that I was flirting with you. And then just as I'm about to drop the biggest hint ever, boom, Miss Kayla Williams comes prancing in, asking you out and you say YES! Why? I don't know. Only minutes ago you were telling me about how you thought she was annoying, and slightly stalkerish, and then you say yes! I was so angry! Disappointed and confused and angry. That's what I was. How can she work up the courage to ask someone out who clearly doesn't like her and I can't tell you I fancy you? It's pathetic!_

_But I soldiered on, if you don't already remember, and I pretended not care. You asked me what I was about to say and I asked you for help with Transfiguration homework. I really did need help but I wasn't going to ask you. Once again you looked disappointed, like you had the nerve! I was the one who basically got rejected, and there you sit, disappointed because I asked for your help! See, this is why I Hate you! With a capital H! _

_My ego has been battered and I shall never show bravery ever again, or at least that's what it feels like. I'm just so angry at myself. I'm not really angry at you. Why couldn't I have said it 2 minutes earlier? Then this wouldn't have happened! Instead of writing this letter during history of magic I would be planning what to wear on our date! I could be thinking about whether you'll kiss me or not instead of imagining it. It's rubbish! It really is. I'm never going to go out on a limb again, because if it feels this bad every time I'm afraid I'll never get up again._

_I'm joking about how awful it felt, but it really did feel bad. I was so sad in the moment James, how is that fair? My stomach was twisted with jealousy and I just wanted start crying and hitting you and, gosh, I'm turning into a love struck teenager people talk about. It's not even funny. If you heard this you'd probably laugh, you'd tell me I could never be like any one else and poke me in the stomach. I would feel 100 time better all at once. But I can't tell you, so you won't help me feel better. See my problem?_

_Mmm... Professor Binns is going on about some Goblin War and I really should be listening. I don't think you are though. Actually, let me check. Yep, you're not concentrating. You're scribbling on a piece of parchment. It's not much bigger than my hand. Now you've stopped writing. You're folding up the paper and charming it. I wonder what spell you used. _

_Oh my gosh! I am the most awful person in the whole world! I'm giving you a commentary of what you are doing! How does that make sense? It doesn't! If you were to read this, which you won't, then you would already know what you were doing and you wouldn't need me to tell you! But, you're never ever ever going to read one of these letters so it doesn't make much difference anyway. Just like anything I write in these letters don't make much of a difference, but they help me, they really do. You're like a diary for me James, except I trust you so much for than a piece of paper._

_So, lately I've been thinking a lot about after Hogwarts. Like what's going to happen when we leave here? Will we still all be friends? Am I going to get into St. Mungo's Healer's Academy? Because I'm a muggle-born, I doubt I will. I don't want to doubt. I want to go. I want become a healer and help the war effort. If I was really saying this to you, you would tell me I was crazy. You would say 'You have nothing to worry about Lily. You're the best witch in our year'. But in the real world does it matter what grades you get? No. The only thing that matters is your blood status. _

_You're going to be fine. You're pure blood and you're brilliant. I won't admit it often but you're pretty amazing. In fact, you're bloody amazing and brilliant and perfect and everything everyone wants to be but never can get. That's what you are, you're everyone's dream person. You are the epitome of handsome. The epitome of smart. You're the epitome of funny. You really are the epitome to end all epitomes. If there was a template for the perfect man, that would be you. Even your messy hair and you're awful eye sight. All those things make you so gosh darn perfect. Just so gosh darn perfect._

_Ok James, I'm going to go know. Just like I do all the time. Just like how I write and then seal and then almost give and then hide. And then never tell you that I love you. I love you James Potter, to the moon and back._

_Have a lovely day,_

_Yours truly,_

_Lily xoxo_

**_So, what did you think? It's not very long, but I can promise you that the next letter will be longer, and have more 'action' (be excited)! Also, as I mentioned earlier, I'm just about to do my mid-year exams. They are over in exactly 3 weeks, so I can't promise that there'll be a letter before then. But I will promise that the week I finish exams I'll have two letter's out. Now, my promise will become stronger if you review! And also thank-you so much for reading! It makes me so happy when people enjoy what I write. Because that's the point of writing, to enjoy! Have a lovely day and review! xoxo_**


	4. Letter 4

_**Hello again! WOO HOOO! Exams are over! I'm so excited! So, anyway, here is the chapter I promised! And if you like it I'll post another one on Friday! To all the lovely reviewers who suggested ideas, Thank-you! I actually have a little idea, but your suggestions have helped it grow, You'll soon find out what happens :)**_

**Disclaimer: Nope, still not J.K. Rowling. But I do wish that she could have written my English Exam for me**

Dear James,

So, how was your date with Kayla? Good, I assume. Even though I hate the idea of you with that little girl, I do hope you didn't have an awful time. Well, I don't really care about your date, to be honest. And if I'm being honest I'll tell you that I already know how it went. It was horrible! I know this is probably not a good thing to say, but I'm so happy. It would kill me if you started dating Kayla, especially now that I know I like, no love, you.

Sorry for the hand writing of this letter, I'm scrunched up in a ball under the covers. I'm using my wand as a light and I have to make sure you can't see that I'm up. You see, I did something really drastic to make sure that you didn't enjoy your self on Saturday, and I'm not 100% sure I want to follow through with it. It's Sunday evening and I've been avoiding you all day! Well, not really avoiding just carefully laying out my plans so that I don't bump into you. It's lucky you have Quidditch practice today or I'd have been done for! I found out all I know about your date from other people. And by other people I mean Alice and Hestia. They told me that you seemed distracted all evening, that was good. And that you didn't even touch Kayla, that was VERY good! And that you left as soon as you could, not so good. I had hoped that you would come back really late so I could think about what to say to you when you got back. I mean, my action needed following up, I had even said that. And you came back at 8 and it was so hard to turn off my lights and get under my covers in the 10 seconds that I heard you coming.

Thank God I did though, otherwise I would have said or done something really stupid and ruined my whole life. I have to go about this carefully. I can't be too open, or too closed. It really is tricky business. Ha, imagine if you've forgotten about it. If you weren't distracted because of me but something/someone else. That would be great, wouldn't it! NO! Just in case you have forgotten, I'll remind you about what happened:

It started on Saturday, I was really sad. You were going out with Kayla for goodness sakes! I had planned to say something to you to maybe divert your attention off your date and onto me, but all I could think about was saying something like 'My dog died'. Of course, that would gain me sympathy, and you would probably have stayed at Hogwarts to comfort me, but it would be a lie. And I find it really hard to lie to you.

So it's Saturday afternoon, 2:50pm, and you're just about to go and pick up Kayla. That was my last chance, If I didn't do anything then I would lose you to the hands of another woman. And even though you're far from 'mine', I really didn't want to see you with Kayla. So I did the first thing that came to my mind. You walked out of your room, wearing that button down I like SO much, you walked to your desk to pick up your wallet and stuff.

"Are you going to Hogsmeade today, Lily?" You asked me, turning around, I shook my head and looked at my knees, trying to draw courage from my black tights, "Everything alright?" You came a little closer, too close. It was too easy. All I had to do was stand up and I was centimetres from your face. I plucked a thread off my stockings and looked up.

"Yeah I'm fine. There's just one thing..." I stood up, adrenaline running through my veins. You stepped back a little, putting space between us and I grabbed your arm. I leaned in, so I could only see your eyes, They were wide open, shocked I assume. I'd never been forward. I was shocked too. I couldn't believe it was me. Then I leaned in a little more, not enough that we were touching, but I could feel your breath on my lips. I kissed your cheek, placing a light peck on the very edge of your mouth.

"Have fun tonight James, I'll speak to you after, ok?" I whispered, my mouth almost touching your cheek. Then I leaned back, and smiled. You stood there, red creeping up your neck, you looked a little shocked. You nodded, then smiled. And still shocked you turned around and walked out. That was the last I saw of you.

And then this is where it brings us. I can't see you because I haven't decided what to say. I can't not say anything, because it was pretty major. I even stated that I wanted to see you 'later'. I should have thought of something better! I should have an idea of what to say to you, now that I've already taken a gigantic leap. But I can't think of anything. Well I can think of things but I don't really want to write them down, let alone SAY them to you! I'm hoping that by tomorrow I'll have an idea. So I don't have to ignore you. It would be really horrible if I had to ignore you! Especially since we've just started getting closer and you always come have breakfast with me and I really really like that. And you walk with me to classes and we have heads work we have to do. Ugh! This could not have come at a worse time.

Oh, I'd better go, it's almost 11. Since I actually have classes tomorrow I should probably sleep. It's lucky that I did all my homework before writing this letter, otherwise I would be incredibly stressed right now. Anyway, I'll be off. I'll seal this letter in the envelope that I laid out this afternoon. Then I'll hide it in the locked drawer under my desk and forget about it until I write another letter and then I'll stare down at the pile of unsent letters and think about what a sissy I am. It never ends.

Yours Forever,

Lily xoxo

_**I hope you enjoyed reading that one, I sure enjoyed writing it! But it does get better :P so, I'll probably post another chapter on Friday, if you enjoyed this of course! Anyway, tell me you think! xx**_


	5. Letter 5

_**Just as I'd promised! Another letter out Friday! I hope you enjoy it! **_

**Disclaimer: Nope, nope, nope, nope**

Dear James,

This is bad, really bad. Like really, really, really, really bad. You tracked me down today, during History Of Magic. We talked through notes. I've glued in our conversation, so I can remind you why I'm screwed

**Lily**

**Lily**

**Lily**

**Lily**

**Lily**

WHAT?!

**What's happening? You've been ignoring me all weekend**

No I haven't

**Yes you have.**

Have NOT!

**You ran away from me at breakfast yesterday. This morning you ate in the bathroom**

So, I like my breakfast right before my shower.

**Lily...**

Fine, I've been ignoring you

**Why?**

No reason.

**Lily, you always have a reason**

No I don't!

**You do! Just tell me.**

No

**But, Saturday night, you said you wanted to talk.**

I didn't say that

**So you don't want to talk?**

I didn't say that either.

**Lily! Please!**

I said see you later. Can't I say see you later anymore?

**You can't do nothing after you kissed me**

I didn't kiss you

**Yes you did, right on the lips.**

It was NOT on the lips, it was on your cheek, It was friendly.

**Well I don't see you kissing Sirius on the cheek.**

I could

**No, don't**

I see

**You ruined my date, you know**

How? I wasn't there

**I couldn't stop thinking about you**

Don't be stupid James

**It's true. You kissed me, how could I not think about it.**

IT WASN'T A KISS!

**Your lips touched my face, I believe it was.**

Oh sod off.

**I want to talk**

Then talk

**To your face. In private.**

As far as I know my face is reading this, no one else is watching

**Lily! Please!**

Fine. Maybe later.

**Don't ignore me this time. I'll be forced to do something drastic.**

I doubt that.

**Don't. Meet me in our room at 6?**

I have to eat dinner you know. And I have rounds.

**Ok, after that?**

If you're up, maybe.

**I'll be up. Speak to you then, then?**

Are you planning on ignoring me all day? Only going to speak to me then?

**Don't be a smarty pants.**

I'm just reading the facts.

**Ok, I'll speak to you then about something very important, but until then I'll speak to you normally.**

Better.

**Oops, I'd better listen. This sounds important.**

It is.

**Can I borrow your notes?**

And it goes on, just a little longer. JAMES HOW COULD I DO THIS TOO MYSELF?! I told you that I would talk to you! I haven't even thought of what to say! I'm done for. That's it, I'm going to die. But, although I am nervous as HELL, I am really happy. You were distracted because of me. You were thinking about me. My kiss distracted you. that has to count for something!

I'm writing this from a supply cupboard near our room. I just finished my rounds. I'm just about to go in. I have no idea what is going to happen. I have no idea if you're going to be there. I don't even know what I'm going to say. I just thought I ought to write something before I go in to face you. Even though you already know all this, I thought I'd let you know. You've become like a diary. And I love that. I think that I'm talking to you, James, but really I'm talking to a piece of parchment. Which is silly, because you'd be much better to talk to.

Oh gosh, it's 10. You must think I've been eaten or something. Ok, here I go. Wish me luck James. If you don't get another letter (which you won't anyway because I'm never going to send them), presume I've died from embarrassment, or something much worse, like rejection.

Forever yours,

Lily xoxo

**_So? What do you think? I really enjoyed writing this one! I hope you enjoyed reading it! So, please tell me what you think! Hopefully I'll have another letter out next week, if you enjoyed this one, that is! Have a lovely day xx_**


	6. Letter 6

_**And here it is. Letter 6! Exactly one week since I've last posted. I hope you enjoy this one! Sorry that it's so late! I'm not 100% sure how many more letters I'll write. Probably not many more. I think that the story is coming to an end, much to my dismay. Anyway! It's not over yet! Enjoy this letter :)**_

**Disclaimer: No, I'm not J.K. Rowling , but if you don't know that by now, you don't know that by now!**

Dear James,

Or should I say Dear Idiot. Or I could say Dear someone I hate. In fact I could think of 1000 different ways I could begin this letter. And ALL of them are because of how much I hate you. Ok, maybe I'm taking my anger out on you, because really I hate me! I made the worst mistake that I could ever had made and know I am probably forced to live with it for the rest of my horrible existence. I still can not believe it. After the first almost kiss I can not believe I made such a horrible mistake again. I'm so stupid! Ok, so you're probably thinking that I'm overreacting. And I understand if you think that, I mean nothing incredibly bad happened. In fact, I didn't do anything like last time. It was really you that did THE action. But what I said led you to do it, so it's kind of my fault.

You're probably wondering what I'm talking about. I mean, I don't really mean much to you, so why would you remember it? You probably kiss stacks of girls. I mean, there's nothing special about me that would cause you to remember one single event. So, I'll tell you what happened.

It started when I walked in the heads room after rounds. I'd just finished the previous letter I wrote, and I was hoping that I could place it in my room before I had to talk to you, because it feels silly to have a letter for you in my pocket and for me not to give it to you. Anyway, I walked into the room and as soon as the door had closed behind me you stood up (you were sitting on the couch) and you muttered a couple of spells. Basically you locked the door and if anyone past in the hallway the room would alert us.

At this point I was so nervous. I mean, I thought you just wanted to talk but it really seemed like you wanted a lot of privacy. 100 things raced through my head. Why would you want to be so alone? I could think of reasons that I wanted to happen, and I could think of more likely reasons. Both being the complete opposite of each other.

After you had locked the door, you sat down an patted the spot next to you. And me, being naive came and sat down. Why would I do that? Why would I put myself in such a position? Why? WHy? WHY?

Anyway, I sat down and then you turned to face me. Our knees banged against each others and it took everything in me not to jump up, or swoon, or fall into your chest and stay there for the rest of my life. Luckily you have perfect timing because before I did something drastic you spoke.

"Lily, I need you to answer me. And I need it to be honest." You said is quite softly, almost like we had an audience, and you only wanted to speak to me. Now what was I supposed to say? Here you are making me feeling like I'm the only girl in the whole world. Am I supposed to say no? Am I supposed to lie to you? That probably would have been the better option. But no, I don't. Why? Because I'm so flustered. WHY AM I SUCH A TEENAGE GIRL?

My response was the lovely "S-sure". How elegant of me. My words just make men drool, don't you think? No, you don't think. No one thinks. No guy would ever love me. Ever.

Oh god, I'm not in the mood to rant to you about how utterly awful my life it. Because really it's not that awful. I have two amazing best friends. I have you, and you're just awesome. I'm at Hogwarts! A school of magic!

So what? You kissed me on the cheek. You told me that you only want to be friends. I almost fainted. Really, this one day is nothing in the perspective of my whole life. It's nothing! I'm acting like you telling me that you would never go out with me is a really big deal. Sure, it was. Yesterday. But now I think it's for the best. I mean, I never had a chance with you anyway. You're kind and sweet and funny and handsome. And what am I? Smart? That's it. I try my best to be everything I can but I'm only ever going to be a friend to you.

Ugh! SO WHAT?! I made the biggest mistake of my life and now I'm going to have to live with it forever! I told you that I didn't want to date you. I turned down your hopeful face and WHY? Because I'm scared. I'm scared that you don't feel for me like I feel for you and I'll only be hurt! I made a huge mistake James, I admit it. Every time you kiss me on the bloody cheek I'll have to admit it to myself. I ruined my chances of ever being with you. Because I'm such a bloody scaredy cat!

Gosh, if I keep writing I'm going to produce enough tears to shower myself. I don't want that. You'll probably notice I've been crying and then ask me about it and then hell will definitely ensue.

I'll write again soon, although you won't know that. Because even if you did some how read these you wouldn't know in which order they were written and I haven't dated them or anything. But you won't read them. Like always. I actually think I've signed off almost all letter like this. Pathetic, huh?

Yours forever (I think),

Lily xoxo

_**What did you think? Please don't hate me! I didn't leave it at that much of a cliffhanger! Anyway, please tell me what you thought, you're reviews motivate me to write, because at the moment I'm not really motivated to do anything! Hopefully I'll post soon! Have a lovely week! xx**_


	7. Letter 7

_**Please don't hate me! Please don't hate me! I'm so so so sorry that it has taken so long to post this. I've been away and my life has been really hectic and I'm sorry! But, I hope you like this letter, enjoy! (And to sabrina-luna-potter, I hope this letter clarifies things up a bit for you)**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, nothing aT ALL!**

Dear James,

Life has been pretty uninteresting since the last letter. Apart from the apparent fact that my life is totally and truly OVER, nothing extraordinary has happened. Ok, I'd be lying if I say nothing extraordinary has happened. Because life has been pretty extraordinary!

I have come to realize that I was quite abrupt and rude in the last letter. I hope you're not too mad at me!

And once again I astound myself with the stupidity of me. Basically I'm apologizing to a piece of bloody paper! Not you, never you. You will never, ever open or read this letter. So why on earth would you know that I was rude in my last letter. And why on earth would you get my apology? Ugh, I'm so daft!

Well, as you know, after my rather abrupt action (kissing you on the cheek/mouth) you have begun to kiss me on the cheek. Now I know this is because I told you that the kiss was only friendly, but really? You've almost made it your mission to give me a kiss on the cheek every single time that you see me. And it's bloody annoying! Because sometimes I forgot about what happened, and then I see you and you lean in and I have this feeling that you're actually going to kiss me. On the lips. But you don't. You defer your lips to my cheek and on and on it goes.

I'd say it's been about a week. But I still can't get the words that you said out of my head. You said you only saw me as a friend. And I get it, I really do. Like, just because I love you doesn't mean that you love me back. And I already thought that that was the case. But hearing those words come out of your mouth, it really stung. I'm very, very sure I'll get over it though. So don't worry too much! And I haven't made a fool of myself in front of you, so that's good!

I mean I didn't tell you that I liked you. In fact, I said the exact opposite. You asked me if what I did (the kiss) was because I liked you. I said no, I said that I wanted it to be friendly. I babbled for ages and ages about my reasons and bla bla bla and none of it was true. At every word I uttered your face fell a little more. It gave me a little hope inside that maybe you actually do like me. But then I remembered the hole I was still digging my self and I'm afraid I've really wrecked my chances.

I should have just told you that I like you! It wouldn't have been that hard. Three words. I, fancy, you. That's it. And if the result was negative, then so what? It's negative. If that had happened then that would have been fine. I would have gotten over it and lived my life, with you as a friend. But no, I didn't. It seems silly, now, that I lied to you. I've never lied to you. I told you about my parents death when you asked. I told you about all my boyfriends. I've told you more than anyone else in the whole world and I can't tell you that I like you. You would know exactly what to say to comfort me, if you didn't like me. You'd make me feel stacks better and it would all be forgotten.

Now I'm complaining about all this, but I really don't mind that much when you kiss me on the cheek. It makes me feel closer to you in one sense. Like we have our own private little joke. The looks on our friends faces when you walked into the great hall that first morning was priceless. You leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek and their jaws were open for easily 10 minutes. It was hilarious! They all thought we were dating and throughout our whole discussion you kept giving me these looks. Like we knew something they didn't. It was our little joke. Then they all caught on that it really was just a joke. And now it's become normal for them. They even joke around about it. Admittedly, it's lost its'd novelty. And it's intimacy. But it's still nice, I guess. Well, as nice as a platonic kiss on the cheek from the boy you're in love with can be.

Anyway, enough about this. It's still to dwell on something I cannot change. It's about 7 am now. On Sunday. You're still sleeping. I can hear your breathing from in here! I've got so much homework to do today! It's actually ridiculous. I mean, I get it. But I don't want to be swamped with homework on the weekend! It's coming up to NEWT's now. That's why we have so much work. They're only 3 months away. I'm so incredibly nervous. I mean, I'm not so nervous about passing the actual exams. It's just what I'm going to after them. After Hogwarts is finished. I have no where to go. I can't stay with my sister. I guess I could rent and apartment, or stay with a friend. Then there is the ever present issue of what I'm actually going to do! I don't know what I want to be. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't even know if I'll be able to get a job. What with Voldemort and everything.

And if you were to actually read this, you would get so mad at me for saying that. You don't think that I'll have any trouble. "You're the best witch in our year Lily" you'd say. But my abilities have nothing to do with it. I'm muggle born. Everyone knows that. People are turning muggle borns away for jobs. For everything. I guess I could work in the muggle world. I could do that. But I don't want to. I can't imagine leaving this world where I feel so much at home.

But I guess everything will work out. Somehow. Anyway, I best be off. I should really get started on the work. Or i'll be here till midnight! And that would be awful because you said that if I was free after your quidditch practice you'd take me to the kitchens. I always get lost on my way and I'm really craving and apple and cinnamon muffin!

Yours forever,

Lily xoxo

_**So, what do you think? I hope that you enjoyed! Anyway, this is the second last letter. I will probably post an epilogue after the last letter though. And also, because it has taken me about 3 weeks to post this, I'll post another letter tomorrow! I feel really awful! OK, well as usual please review and I'll see you tomorrow! xx**_


	8. Letter 8

_**Hi Everyone! Sorry I didn't get to posting this yesterday. I really wanted it to be perfect so I took a little bit more time adjusting it! Well, here it is, the last letter. I hope you enjoy!**_

**Disclaimer: No, not J.K. Rowling. I wish I was, but I'm not (also, fun fact did you know that she has published a crime novel?)**

Dear James,

HOW DARE YOU, YOU INTOLERABLE TOE RAG. I TRUSTED YOU. I LOVED YOU. HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO ME. AND YOU KNOW WHAT. THIS TIME YOU'LL ACTUALLY GET TO READ THIS LETTER. BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOU.

I mean you've read the other ones. Why not?

Ugh! I am still trying to wrap my head around this. How could you sneak into my room and open every single letter that I ever wrote you. You didn't think I'd find out? I SEALED THE FUCKING ENVELOPES. YOU KNOW I'M NOT STUPID.

How could you? How could you betray me like that James? I thought I could trust you. I thought that maybe, just maybe you had changed. But obviously you know that now. I mean if you didn't get that gist from all the letters than you really are the biggest idiot in the whole world. But you know what? You already are. You're an idiot.

I can't even fathom words in my head to describe the pain that I'm feeling. Usually I'm so good with words. I can hurt people with words. I can make people cry. I can make people laugh. My one and only talent has only ever been being able to manipulate words so that they give the desired effect. But you know what? Today I can't. I can't bring together a string of words that could possibly express what I'm feeling. I can't even begin to describe the pain I feel in my heart from trusting you. I can't tell you how incredibly sad I feel. And I can't even describe the sort of anxiety I'm feeling because you haven't said anything yet.

It's been a week. ONE WHOLE WEEK. When a girl expresses that she loves you, you really should do something. When I first found out that you read all of my letters, I was in my room. I was doing transfiguration and I couldn't concentrate. When I can't concentrate I usually write you another letter, but I'd written my previous one that morning so I opened my drawer to sort through the letters. My eyes opened wide when I saw that the seals of them all were broken. I ran through a list of people in my head that could have possible opened them and you, were the only suspect. No one else has the password to the heads dorm and no one else could possibly open letter more shabbily than you did. But, do you want to know the first thing that ran through my mind? Do you?

It was hope. I thought that maybe you would see the letters, you would understand what I felt and then maybe, just maybe you would feel the same way I do and, and you'd do something about it.

Of course the next emotions in my mind were of pure hatred. How dare you? I thought, over and over again. I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard your door open. I ran out side just in time. There you were, standing there in your Quidditch robes, looking oh, so, innocent.

"HOW DARE YOU" I screamed. You would remember this of course. Because I'm sure my screams rattled the whole castle. I won't repeat everything I said, because it was lengthy and you probably remember. I shouted for a good 10 minutes and the whole fucking time you looked down at your shoes and you said NOTHING. I stopped, out of breath, staring at the top of your head, just waiting for a response. You know what you said?

"Lily, I have to go." YOU OPENED MY PERSONAL BELONGINGS. YOU READ THAT I LOVED YOU. AND ALL I GET IS A SIMPLE 'Lily, I have to go'. You didn't even look at me as you walked out. You stared at the floor and I just wanted to, I wanted to. I don't even know.

My anger had evaporated and an even worse emotion had taken it's place, disappointment. Heart break. In 5 short words you had broken, my, heart. And you know what, the feeling gets worse everyday. It gets worse when I see you swapped rounds with someone else so that you don't have to be near me. It gets worse when I know that you hide in your room to avoid me. It gets worse when you change tables and partners in every one of our subjects. It's like I have the plague James. You're doing everything in your power to avoid me. Why? That's all I want to know. Why?

And when you read this you might think that I'm being a love sick puppy. So what? Why does it matter that one boy doesn't love me back. And you know what, it doesn't matter. If you had told me that you didn't like me that way, it would be fine. Admittedly not fine, but I could handle it. Slowly I could retrieve the pieces of my life and get over my first crush, my first love. But now, now it's almost impossible. One week ago I didn't just lose you James, the boy I love. I lost my best friend. Do you know how fucking hard that is? James you were my BEST FRIEND. I told you more than I told Hestia and Alice. You know more about my life, my family. You know more about me than I do.

I could have gotten over it if you didn't love me. But I don't think I'll be able to get over losing my best friend. Despite the fact that I loved you, you were the most important thing in my life. You knew how to make me feel better. You were the only one who could make laugh when I was about to cry. You knew my favorite food, my favorite color. You knew my favorite me, and you tried to bring that me out all the time.

And as I sit here, about to cry again, I can't help think about what you would say. But my mind comes up blank. Because you always manage to surprise me. You always do. And I've never been in this situation before. I don't even think there are words that could make me feel better. Not even from you. Not now.

It's much to late to do anything James. It's much, much to late. You, you've broken me beyond repair. There isn't a glue in the world that could stick me back together. And I don't even think that your arms are strong enough to bundle me up and hold me until I'm better. James, no one can fix me.

I hate to be the center of attention. You, of all people, know that. You know that I hate showing people my pain, that I would much prefer to stay by myself if that means that I can prevent others from feeling this, from feeling this way. That's why no one knows. Well, I haven't told anyone. Maybe you have. Maybe all your friends know. Maybe, at this very moment, you're laughing about what a baby I am. Maybe.

But I also hate to dwell on the what ifs. I hate to think that there was something that could have happened instead. That maybe you love me. That maybe you miss me. That maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe isn't going to change anything.

So, this is it. This is really and truly it. This is the last letter that I'll ever write to you. Before I had the hope that maybe you loved me too. That hope would motivate me to write letters and dream and imagine. But now there's nothing. Nothing but an empty part in my heart where you used to be. And I'm telling you the truth when I say that most of my heart feels empty right now. Empty and broken and helpless. Me, Lily Evans, helpless. Who would have thought?

I don't know how I should end this letter. I've said 'Yours Forever' in every other single letter. I feel I should end this one like that, for old times sake. But I can't. I can't bring my self to write those two words. I used to not be able to imagine being anyone else's forever. But now I can't imagine being yours forever. Does being your forever mean that I have to live with this unimaginable heart break for the rest of my life? I don't know James. I really don't know. All I know is right now I, I don't know what to say anymore.

I should hate you, I really and truly should. I should want you to feel that pain that I'm feeling right now. I should want to hit you and kick you and make you understand just what you have done to me. But I can't. I can't hate you. I can't hate you and I don't know why. I've tried James, trust me I've tried. And maybe this would be easier on both of us if I did hate you. That way I could never speak to you again, because that's what you do to people you hate. We could go our separate ways at the end of the year and I'd never have to see you again. If I hated you, everything that would follow would be so much easier. But I can't imagine not seeing you everyday and I sure as hell can't imagine hating you. My insides feel even emptier when I think of leaving you.

But I haven't left you, have I? You left me. You left me you told me that you had to go. You left me when you ignored me this week. You left me, you left me now. While I'm sitting in my room, tears streaming down my face, James you've already left me. And the great big river that I feel has opened up between is much to wide to cross. Even if you're armed with your heaviest armor, a great big boat and bunch of flowers telling me that you love me.

There's nothing in the world that could save you from the broken hearts that infest that river. And we're only going to get injured if we cross. We're only going to hurt.

Good bye James.

_**Ta-da! Please don't hate me! Ok, so I said this will be the last letter, ever and I'm being honest. But I'm also going to post an epilogue, which will not be in letter form! So, I'm not sure when I'll have the last part up. I'm just about to start school, so I'll try finish it before then but I can't promise anything! All I can promise is that it will be a shorter wait than it was for the last letter I posted (letter 7)! Anyway, I hope you liked this and please leave a review! Love you all xx**_


	9. Epilogue

_**And here it is, the last and final installment of Dear James! Sorry it's taken so long, but it is by far the longest chapter, easily double the last one! I'm a little bit sad saying this, but, enjoy!**_

**Disclaimer: No, after 8 letters and an epilogue I assume you know that I am not the Rowling of J.K. But just in case you need some validation, NOPE!**

~~~~Hestia~~~~

"James, something's wrong with Lily," Hestia tapped James on the shoulder. He looked like he was reading through his transfiguration text book, but he hadn't turned the page for hours.

"I don't know. Go ask Hestia." James replied, not even looking up. For the past two weeks both he and Lily had been acting really strange. At first Hestia didn't question it, ever since they had become friends at the start of the year things had always been strange. But after a while of Lily not talking, and James not showing up to class, Hestia asked her best friend. It took a while but Lily finally told her everything.

"I am Hestia you dolt. And I wouldn't ask you if this wasn't important." Hestia said sharply. She had taken a distaste to James after Lily told her everything. James was not used to this coldness and he turned around.

"What did I do?" He asked.

"You know what you did." Jame looked a little shocked. He had probably thought that Lily wouldn't tell anyone, "But that's not the point James. Something wrong with Lily."

"Listen, if you already know about what happened, then you'll know that I have no bloody idea what's wrong!" James closed his book with a loud snap and began to stand up.

"No, I know that. But if you had showed up to classes you would know that she hasn't. I haven't seen her all weekend and she hasn't been to any meals today or classes. She missed our potions N.E.W.T practice!" Hestia placed a hand on James' arm, "Please, you have to know something"

"She-she's missing?" James asked, it was obvious that he was trying to hide the worry in his voice.

"Yes" Hestia sat down with a grunt, "I don't know where she is. First I thought she just need to get away, so I left her for the weekend and then I haven't seen her and no one else has. James you are the last option. Trust me I wouldn't ask you if I had any other choice."

"That last time I saw her was Saturday morning." James sat down next to Hestia on the common room couch.

"Yes, ok, that's good. No one has seen her since Friday, after dinner." Hestia sat up straighter, hoping that James could really help.

"I heard her door open," James said, closing his eyes in concentration, "I thought that she had already gone out of the heads dorm so I walked out. She was there, on the couch and as soon as I stepped out of my room she jumped up. She whispered something, to her self, and then snapped her book shut. She grabbed a bag from the couch and whispered 'Sorry' as she passed me. I said 'You don't have to apologize, it's your dorm too'. Then she turned to look at me, as if she was going to say something, or cry, I don't know which. Then she ran out. That's all I can remember."

"What the hell James?! She was about to cry and YOU LET HER RUN OUT? Oh my god she could be anywhere!" Hestia placed her hand on her head and let out a frustrated groan.

"There was nothing I could have done. She hates me. How could I have helped?"

"Oh good one James. She doesn't fucking hate you. She still loves you that's the reason that she almost cried. My god that's the first thing you've said to her in 2 weeks. Of course she's upset. I just don't know where she could be. I've looked everywhere." Hestia stood up, "Thanks for not helping you twat. If anything happens just let me know, ok." Hestia stormed off. She took one last look at James before going out into the corridor. Her mind buzzed with possibilities as she ran back to her bedroom.

~~~~James~~~~

James stood up as soon as Hestia had left the heads common room. He thought back to Saturday morning and groaned inwardly. Or course she was upset. Why hadn't he stopped her? Why hadn't he talked to her? It had been two weeks since James had found Lily's letters and he still hadn't worked up the courage to talk to her. Even after she sent him that last letter, the one about her heartbreak. His had heart broken when he read it. He wanted to run out and just scoop her in his arms, despite what she'd written. He'd wanted to tell her that he felt the same way about her. That he too loved her. But he didn't.

When he found the letters, he was searching for her potions notes. She had promised to give them to him and he just didn't want to wait. He saw one letter and when he reached to grab it all the other ones were made visible. He wasn't going to open them. It was her business. Maybe they weren't even directed towards him, James Potter. But his curiosity got the better of him and he opened them all. It didn't take long for him to realize that what he did was wrong, and he was going to seal them back up again with magic if she hadn't of been opening the heads door that instant. He shoved the letters back into the drawer that Lily kept them in and ran to his room.

He stayed there, for what seemed like hours until he realized that he had Quidditch training. As he left his room, Lily barged out and started screaming at him. He didn't know what to say. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. It just wasn't. With every word that Lily said James got angrier and angrier at himself and even at Lily. So when he told her he had to go, and her voice fell, he didn't even look back. In his head he had justified being angry and her. And when he finally realized that he was stupid. That it didn't matter how they got together, but the fact that they were together. She had sent in the letter. Her last and final letter that made James' eyes tear up and his heart stop.

It was much too late to fix what he had done. James thought as he made his way out into the hallway, but that didn't mean that he was going to let Lily go. Even if she had let him go. He was going to find her.

~~~~Lily~~~~

"Bloody Hell!" Lily whispered sharply. She put a hand to her head and massaged the part that had been hit. She'd been walking around the Forbidden Forest for the past few days, on limited supplies, and now that she was reaching her limit she wasn't watching where she walked.

Lily looked up to the sky and sighed. It was getting dark again. She looked around and saw a tree and looked reasonably comfortable. If she climbed about 3 meters there was a rather large branch that could serve as a bed. Lily sighed again and started climbing. She didn't want to be down on the forest floor when it got really dark. That's when all the creatures came out. When she reached the top Lily sighed and collapsed. She arranged herself in a semi comfortable position before reaching into her bag and grabbing her book.

She had only meant to come here for a walk, on Saturday morning. Seeing James had thrown her off and he spoke to her for the first time in two weeks. Lily couldn't handle it, and she knew that if she went to Hestia she would feel worse. She started walking around the grounds but after circling Hogwarts twice and finding no comfort she ventured into the Forbidden Forest. She left a trail of magic for her self, so that she could get back, but she spotted some lovely flowers and completely lost her sense of direction. She'd been wandering around, trying to find her way out. She didn't know any spells that could possibly help her find her way out, but luckily she knew a thing or two about camping, and managed to find some food to eat.

After reading for an hour or two light completely left the Forest. Lily didn't want to draw too much attention to her self, by using the light of her wand, so she put her book away and tried to go to sleep. After only minutes of tossing and turning she spotted a light in the corner of her eye. Her heart beat immediately speed up. She placed a hand on her wand and took a deep breath. This is what Hogwarts had been preparing her for, for the outside world. Lily sat up straight, ready for action, when a voice caught her off guard.

"Lily? Is that you?" Lily recognized that voice anywhere. It was James.

"James?" Lily said shocked, for a second the past two weeks completely left her mind and she jumped off the branch to give him a hug. On her way down she realized how high up she was and she fell hard on the forest floor. All thoughts of hugging James were gone.

"Lily, are you alright?" he asked, stepping closer. He held out a hand for her and she looked at it skeptically. Before Lily had anymore time to think about it, James leant down and grabbed her by the waist. Pulling her up until she was standing. His hands lingered on her waist for a couple more seconds than necessary but he soon stepped back, embarrassed.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lily asked, taking a step back from James. She sensed the trunk of the tree close behind her.

"I'm here to bring you back, we- Hestia has been worried sick about you"

"Then if Hestia is so worried why isn't she here? Why have YOU come to get me? And how did you find me anyway? And I don't need your help. I'm fine." Lily stood up a little straighter and glared at James, all the anger from the past weeks going into her gaze.

"Lily, I wanted to make sure you were alright." James said softly.

"Oh really? And you choose now to do that? Wanted to play hero did you? Well news flash James, I don't need YOUR help. I'm fine. Just like I have been for the past 2 weeks." Lily felt tears well up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She wanted to get back to her dorm, have a nice warm shower and sleep.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry Lily. I just..." James trailed off, unsure of what to say. He couldn't find a good reason to justify his actions. And when he did tell her everything, he didn't want it to be like this, in the Forbidden Forest.

"You just nothing. Like always, nothing. Listen, I'm sick of your shit James, you found your way here, now get us out."

James was shocked with Lily's blunt words. He had assumed she'd be angry, he even wanted her to be angry, but this was different. It wasn't just anger, there was something else intertwined with her words. James' heart stopped when he realized what it was. Heart break.

"Ok, let's go." James began to turn around when Lily interrupted him.

"James, I'm sorry." James turned back to face her, shocked, "I shouldn't have snapped at you. It's not your fault you don't like me back. It was a lot to take on, a lot to read in some letters. I was over reacting and I just hope you can forgive me, some time." Lily stopped and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She looked down at the floor and in the light from James' wand she could see the leaves that were piled up around her feet.

"Lily, what I did was awful, unforgivable. It was all my fault that..."

"James I get that you don't like me. Stop harping on, ok. I said I'm sorry, it's my fault, I should have been honest, I shouldn't have been stupid, I should have done something to, something to try and make this friendship last," Lily looked up as she spoke and she saw that James had moved considerably closer in that time. There was now only 30cm between them and Lily could just feel his breath hitting her cheeks.

"Just stop! Stop it now!" James shouted, "Lily none of this of your bloody fault! It's mine, all mine. Lily I was so swept up in the fact that you had told me you liked me first that I forgot that you would actually feel something. I forgot that maybe, if I didn't reply, you would be angry. When I realized that you'd already sent that last letter Lily, and I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am. Lily, you're my best friend. I hate what I've done to our friendship." James stopped, unable to say anymore. Lily hadn't spoken a word and he was afraid he'd lost her, for good this time. But just as James started to open his mouth he was tackled to the floor as Lily ran up and hugged him.

"James I forgive you, I want to be friends! Let's forget this ever happened. I'll forget everything let's just be friends again, nothing more" Lily said excitedly against James' shoulder. She looked up at him and continued, "Friends?"

"Yes, sure, of course." James stuttered, startled. Only seconds ago Lily had been ready to bite his head off and now she wanted to be friends, women.

"Now can we get back to castle? I'm super tired and, oh my god am I hungry. The answer is yes, it was rhetorical." Lily stood up and began walking in the direction that James had come from, "Gosh I have so much to tell you, really lots has happened in 2 weeks. Firstly, I... James, you coming?" Lily asked when she turned around to see James still on the Forest floor.

"Yeah, yes, I just. How can you be ok with this?" James asked, getting up.

"James don't ask me that please. I don't even know. All I know that not being your friend really sucks, so I'll take my chances." Lily smiled as James approached her and added "But be warned, I may just have spurts of anger towards you for the next couple months"

"Lily I still don't get it." He asked again, beginning to walk towards the castle with Lily.

"Me neither! DON'T YOU GET THAT? I'm being spontaneous, deal with it." Lilly giggled and despite the fact that everything was so confusing James was glad to have his friend back.

"Fiesty, what has this forest done to you?" James asked, jokingly. He smiled inwardly when Lily answered the rest of the walk back to Hogwarts, it was like nothing had happened. All to soon they arrived back at their Heads dorm.

"Thank you so much for finding me James. Despite what I said I was so bloody scared and I had no idea if I would ever get out" Lily came over and gave James a hug, again.

"No problem Lils. Just don't go walk about again. You should have seen Hestia, it was classic" James returned the hug, glad that things were sort of back to normal again. But as he let Lily go he couldn't help but think of what she had said in the Forest.

"Oh! SHIT! I should go find her. Before she calls a search party or something." Lily laughed lightly and made her way to the door of their dorm, "See ya," She called over back.

"See y... WAIT!" James spoke it without thinking. Lily paused with a hand on the door, she turned.

"If this is about what I said before, I don't know James. I don't know how I'm doing this."

"No, not about that. Just, umm, Lily, did you mean it?" James asked shyly. He wrung his hands together, what the fuck was he thinking?

"Did I mean what? I have said a lot of things in the span of my life, you're going to have to explain," Lily said it jokingly, but you could tell there was a hint of annoyance in her voice. She obviously wanted to go out and think.

"When you said that we would just be friends." James bit his tongue as soon as the words flew out of his mouth.

"Ugh, yes. James I don't want this to be awkward between us. And I told you that before, I should really go find.."

"I think it will be more awkward if we do that. What, what if, what if we pretend that you actually sent me the letters? And that I replied?" James said, finally gaining confidence. He had been waiting for this moment the whole evening. He looked up to see a very shocked expression on Lily's face.

"James, don't be stupid." When James shook his head Lily spoke again, "What do you mean?"

"Wait here a second."

"James I have to go find.."

"One second!" James held his hand up as if to emphasize his point and ran up to his room. When he got to his room he opened the drawer on the desk and took out a handful of letters, all addressed to Lily. He closed the drawer and ran back to the Heads common room.

"What are those?" Lily asked, eyeing the letters hesitantly.

"They're for you. I wrote them, after I read yours. Now keep in mind, I'm not nearly as poetic as you are." James smiled, and he thrust the hand holding the letters in Lily's direction. The sudden movement made him lose his grip on the letters and they fell to the floor. Lily threw her head back and laughed as she and James both knelt to the floor to pick them up.

"Gosh, that's the funniest. Typical you James!" Lily said, finishing her giggles. They had picked up all the letters and were standing up again, though this time somewhat closer.

"Oh sod off." But James smiled anyway.

"So, should I open these now?" Lily asked, her eyes moving to her hands, were she held 8 letters.

"No, I don't think I could stand the embarrassment of seeing you read them."

"May I remind you of the embarrassment I felt?" James' cheeks reddened and Lily smiled triumphantly.

"Just, just read them soon. Like really soon, like I can go up now and you can read them now sort of soon." James stopped when he realized he was babbling, he saw a small smile on Lily's lips and his eyes questioned it.

"Can I have a guess what's in the letters?" Lily asked, smirking. James nodded and Lily stepped closer, till their faces were inches apart.

"You said that..." instead of continuing with words, Lily continued with actions.

She closed the gap between their faces and kissed him. Her hands intertwining with his hair and his hands holding her around the waist. But as soon as it had started Lily pulled away.

"I should go find Hestia" Lily said, slightly breathless.

"But we just got started. You haven't even gotten to the second letter," James winked and Lily blushed bright red.

"Trust me, I got there a long time ago."

_**And that's it! I really hope you have enjoyed reading these letters, and that the epilogue has satisfied your need for James and Lily! I have had so much fun writing this story, and I want to give a big thank-you to everyone who reviewed, you made this so enjoyable and great! I'll be sure to write another story soon, but until then, love to all, please review :) xx**_


End file.
